Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Ten Things People Say When They See the New Incredible Hulk

There's a new Incredible Hulk on the horizon, and he's undergone a crazy transfiguration. Gone are Lou Ferrigno's cheap wig and pre-steroid muscles: this dude got every vein and corpuscle showing, and when people run into him, this is what they say.

10. It's his own fault for flying American.

9. Didn't he used to be all "Ho ho ho" and "Everybody eat my niblets"?

8. When did Barry Bonds turn green?

7. I slept with him a couple weeks ago and I've still got alfalfa sprouts in my teeth.

6. Well, I'm a color consultant, and I say he's chartreuse.

5. I dunno; I can't really be impressed by a guy who can't burst out of his pants.

4. Great! I get to see my first superhero and the dude farts brussel sprouts.

3. That leprechaun must have a really, really, really tiny dick.

2. That guy rubbed against me on the subway and left, like, hollandaise on my skirt.

1. Somebody getting furious and tearing off their clothes. Welcome to New York!

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