Thursday, September 17, 2015

Highlights of Amazon Movie Reviews

The Girl and the Motorcycle (aka Naked Under Leather) starring Marianne Faithfull and Alain Delon

A fun movie about a crazy girl that takes off on her Harley and rides way too fast on European roads to go find her old boyfriend.
I think this was made during the time when any movie that had the words girl and motorcycle in the title sold.
Most of the time she is on the bike and totally unbelievable because she is looking everywhere except where she is going.
it should be entitled "Girl on a Motorcycle Bolted to a Trailer" or "Girl on a motorcycle in front of a Movie Screen"
Note to Marianne: while grinding down the Autobahn on a motorbike at 95 miles an hour it's okay to flap your thighs and bounce your butt but by all means KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN!
She did seem to ride too fast, but that was only a result of her emotional anguish.
The helmet she was wearing wouldn't protect anything.
the Harley she is on sounds very much like a parallel twin rather than a V-twin
Her husband wasn't too bad, except modern orthodontics would have given him perhaps a half an inch more gum
I've not been able to take Delon seriously as an actor since his performance as a character named "Baldy" in Dean Martin's "Texas Across the River" in 1966. Plus I get him confused with Jorge Rivero and his almost identical character "Capt. Pierre Cordona aka Frenchy" in "Rio Lobo". Maybe they are the same person and used two names as a tax dodge.
I am sorry i could only give this movie 4 stars because she is supposed to be totally nude under that leather suit but I observed panty lines
The movie by the way was OK, the ending sucked, she just all of a sudden gets killed.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

I buy Chinese Chicken Salad at Whole Foods and have my Subaru tuned up every 15,000 miles. Why do I have a rash shaped like Ethiopia in my pubic hair?

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Two Conversations


LOGAN: I'm going to the supermarket. Do you need anything?

MINDY: A dozen eggs. And toilet paper.

LOGAN: Okay. Hey, when was the last time you saw the doctor?

MINDY: In January, why?

LOGAN: I thought maybe you were looking a little pale.

MINDY: In that case, bring back ice cream.

LOGAN: Ha! Okay. Back in ten.


STAN: I'm thinking of going to the supermarket. Do you need anything?

MAUREEN: Hmm. Oh, do you know what I really enjoyed? That cereal. The one with the berries in it. I don't remember where it was from but my, it was delicious.

STAN: I remember that. It certainly was good. Were there ... pecans in it?

MAUREEN: Yes, I believe there were.

STAN: I don't ordinarily like pecans but that cereal was quite a treat.


STAN: Let's not bother cooking. Would you like to go to a restaurant?

MAUREEN: Yes! Let's go somewhere that serves crepes, and kreplach, and Chinese Chicken Salad. Where all the waiters are named Raoul, and the water has a thin slice of lime in it.

STAN: Oh, and the bill comes in a padded vinyl sleeve, and the parking lot has a separate entrance and exit!

MAUREEN: Ooh, that sounds really classy. Let's definitely do that.


STAN: When was the last time we ate?

MAUREEN: Was it ... Thanksgiving? Oh golly but that was delicious. Mum's roast potatoes were just divine.

STAN: I don't know how she does it. Eighty-three and still going strong. I still dream about that sticky toffee pudding.

MAUREEN: And those sprouts. [PAUSE] That was the last time we saw your Uncle Reg.


STAN: Neither of us can get up out of our chairs. Should I call a doctor?

MAUREEN: I haven't been to the doctor in ages. Do you remember that nice Doctor Nash?

STAN: He had a bedside manner.

MAUREEN: Ooh, but the hands on him. You could call him for a sore throat and he'd have your knickers off.


BRITISH PARAMEDIC #1: Have you ever seen anything so horrible?

BRITISH PARAMEDIC #2: Only every Tuesday, when our Myra brings home Indian takeaway.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Had Me/Lost Me


Earlier this year, the BBC reported the story of Gabi Mann, an 8-year-old Seattle girl who has a remarkable relationship with the neighborhood crows. In exchange for food, the birds gift Gabi with such things as earrings, bolts, paperclips, and polished rocks. The story attracted international attention, while also provoking interest into avian intelligence.

Unfortunately, the birds brought Gabi's family another gift. A $200,000 lawsuit filed by neighbors says “[l]arge numbers of birds swarm the feeding operation daily, leaving behind dirt, feathers, peanut particles and shells, feces and urine on the surrounding properties.”


Allegedly, the parents have hired employees to fill the feeding troughs,

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

99% Of People Sick Of Surveys That Combine "It's Freakin' Unbelievable!" With "Well, I Guess It's Aight"

The Apple Watch was a divisive subject among early tech adopters, but a new survey being widely circulated shows customers clearly agree: a stunning 97% say the watch is either a gift sent directly by God to Earth or perfectly acceptable for automated jewelry made by irritated Chinese.

"I was surprised," said Apple Watch aficionado Norma Chipotle when told about the survey. "I suspected that Apple was in way over their heads on this. But when I strapped it to my wrist I instantly realized it was either a spectacular triumph of micro-engineering or something that wouldn't quite give me a lady boner."

Apple stock skyrocketed to reflect the product's startling success, and once again Apple has extended its unbroken winning streak. After twenty-plus years at the forefront of high-end design, they've delivered yet another product that's drawn near unanimous declarations that it's either the undisputed electronics gift of the year or the thing you'd fetch if your house was on fire and your wife already got the Everybody Loves Raymond DVDs.