Thursday, April 24, 2008

Meet you about five feet thataway. ↓

According to the New York Times, most Americans would like to be able to contact their doctors via e-mail, but fewer than a third of U.S. doctors use e-mail to communicate with patients.

''People are able to file their taxes online, buy and sell household goods, and manage their financial accounts,'' said Susannah Fox of the Pew Internet & American Life Project. ''The health care industry seems to be lagging behind other industries.''

Now that major health insurers are starting to compensate doctors for email, the practice is on the upswing. Doctors are particularly anxious to take advantage of the internet's intricate system of abbreviations and shorthand as a major time-saving device. If you plan on emailing your doctor, here are some of the symbols you'll need to know.

:-©Say "ah."
:^VTurn your head and cough.
:- 7Are you still smoking?
: ^∃You really should see a dentist about those teeth.
€ :-)Your scalp seems to be rejecting your hair transplants.
oΖ —<It seems you've broken both your arms.
:-QMy guess is it's a cold sore.
o|³—<I usually don't recommend breast implants, but in your case I'll make an exception.
→ 8 |Did you know you have an arrow sticking out of your head?
o|0<Well, you could lose a little weight.
o|@ <You're pregnant.
? : )You've got what killed Elvis.
∴¦-(You've sustained a bit of gunfire to the head.
¦ ^ ⇐This medication may leave you feeling slightly dizzy.
←ωHave you noticed any side effects from the steroids?
;)You're slowly going blind in your right eye.
: {-I've never seen anything like it in my life.
o| Ξ <I'm afraid the last time we operated on you we may have left a scalpel behind.
⊗ :- |Have you ever heard the term "lobotomy"?
:≈)I'm sorry, Mr. Jackson, but it appears your nose has fallen off.
:-XLet me take a wild stab at it: have you eaten any Cheetos recently?

1 comment:

David said...

If I were a doctor, I'd be more concerned of being buried in emails from hypochondriac patients.

Great post.