Over the last couple days I've gotten literally hundreds of emails all saying the same thing: Roman, I just saw Harrison Ford on Access Hollywood. Believe it or not he was getting his chest waxed, supposedly to draw attention to world deforestation.

Roman, why is Harrison Ford getting his chest waxed like deforestation?

10. Because like trees, grasses and lichen, Harrison Ford's body hair converts carbon dioxide to oxygen.

9. Because after a country is deforested, it looks much better in an open shirt.

8. Because timber companies will frequently clear a forest just to make it easier to apply sunscreen.

7. Chest hair is great at preventing runoff, if you know what I mean.

6. Because after they're done sawing, lumberjacks will usually offer to prune your eyebrows for free.

5. Because like trees, Harrison Ford's chest hair provides a home for literally thousands of species of wildlife.

4. Because when you cut trees down, they frequently scream "KELLY CLARKSON!"

3. Because when trees are allowed to grow wild in a country, it can be difficult to find its nipples.

2. Because when I think hard wood, I think Harrison Ford.

1. It's an allegory: once its chest has been stripped bare, all the earth will have is pubes.