July 16. Try to sound hard to get. Let people know that you're a fresh new face on the market.
July 17. Emphasize your positive attitude. Don't even think about the negatives: if haters want to figure out that all you're giving them is a fuckin' $2.80 an hour, let them. Others will see the chance to get your three shiny quarters and not realize they'd get a better return at McDonalds. Hang onto that optimistic outlook even if you don't offer anything better than folks could find in the cushions of their couch.
July 18. It's official: you're boring. Maybe get some blonde highlights.
July 23. Well, you did your best. Now it's time to hook the procrastinators. Let them know you're not going to be around forever. They gotta act fast because tomorrow they'll be fuckin' out of luck.
July 25. Hey, if you had any shame, you wouldn't have had twelve 30th birthday parties. Slap that "Going Out Of Business!" sign on your forehead and take advantage of clueless newbies for a year or two. Sure, half the neighborhood will be, like, "GO OUT OF GODDAMN BUSINESS ALREADY!" but there are going to be a few saps who don't know what's going on.
July 26. "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: THIRD YEAR." Yeah, you're desperate, but who gives a fuck? Let all the losers talk about pride.
July 26. I SAID I'M NEW HERE! I AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT TIRED OLD BITCH WITH THE CHEAP HIGHLIGHTS WHO USED TO HANG AROUND HERE ALL THE TIME.
July 27. The bartender's turned off the music and turned on the lights, but who gives a fuck? Your optimism can stand tall against harsh reality. Maybe all the men with teeth have found other partners, but there are nicer parts on a man than his smile.