Kids today don't know the Bible. Republicans blame our SCHOOLS.

Every Sunday the stupidest newspaper in the world, the New York Post, publishes the stupidest comic strip in the world, Mallard Fillmore. Actually, it's less of a comic strip than a right-wing lecture delivered by a large, frequently bemused duck in a tweed suit. This duck spouts off about all the bizarre left-wing conspiracies running rampant in the world today -- recycling, global warming, minimum wage -- and makes unfunny, logically-questionable declarations about them. It's rather less a comic strip than an animated visit with your crazy grandpa.

This week's work, if we can call it that, consists of two pictures. In the first, we see the duck from over his shoulder, reading a newspaper. "According to this new book," he's thinking -- since apparently it'd be dumb to think a fully-clothed duck who reads newspapers can talk -- "fifty percent of U. S. high-school seniors think that Sodom and Gomorrah were married. . . . "

In the second part, the duck is looking out at us, bemused. "Apparently," he thinks, "the people who want to 'keep religion out of our schools' are doin' a heck of a job. . . . "

Now, maybe Republicans throughout the world will shake their heads and tsk-tsk and say this is another example of the world going to hell in a handbasket. But a second's thought -- apparently an unrealistic deadline with the comic's creator, Bruce Tinsley -- reveals the reality behind this declaration. Let's phrase the statistic in another way:

More than half of American parents don't teach their kids Bible stories.

Handy to know, isn't it? I mean, because if most adult Americans aren't teaching their kids religion, why on earth should our schools?