Take this adorable old grandma who was kidnapped the other day. She's like seventy-five years old, and three teenagers bind her up with duct tape and lock her in the trunk of her own car while they joyride, buying smokes and Red Bull with her credit cards. After twenty-six hours -- yup, the next day -- they're stopped by the cops, who arrest them and finally let her out. While she's recovering in the hospital reporters ask her how she passed all that time locked in the trunk.
She was praying, of course. And talking to her husband, who'd recently died. She was asking Don to tell God that she really needed His help.
And you know what? Don came through. Don told God, and God told the police. Sigh: Don came through.
Now, this pisses me off in a couple different ways. First, my ex-husbands never ran errands for me even while they were alive. But mostly I realize that no matter how cool I get to be in life -- and this is obviously a priority, you know -- I'm never going to be as cool as Sandy Vinge. A 75-year-old grandmother. Because I think the dead are dead, so talking to them is stupid. And I'm convinced there's no God, so I won't be chatting with Him either.
So if, God forbid, I'm locked in a car trunk for twenty-six hours, and reporters ask me what I did during that time, there's no way I can be amazing. What's my choice? "I thought about Taco Bell enchiritos for, like, three hours, and then I tried to jerk off."
Not quite as inspiring, huh? Maybe that's why atheism has never caught on. If we want to attract more followers, we're really going to have to address that.
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