Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Tuesday's News Round-Up

"Would everyone PLEASE stop talking about me?" Jennifer Aniston begs yet another reporter.

Behavioral scientists find themselves confronted with a dilemma: now that we've developed great new drugs to lengthen the attention span and improve concentration, how do we keep the poor from wanting them?

Consensus so far: Tell them the drugs don't really work, and then distract them with bits of foil.

According to a new survey, nearly half the people at office Christmas parties have seen their coworkers get drunk and make inappropriate sexual overtures to others.

The other half of the people surveyed said they wished people would knock and then wait a minute before they got their freakin' coats.

In January's O magazine, Oprah Winfrey admits she's fallen off the healthy-living bandwagon and has again ballooned up past two hundred pounds.

Oprah says she's ashamed and embarrassed, and hates how the excess weight has affected her life. ''I had a dress on the Vision Board," she reveals, "but I'm not sure that's gonna fit."

Sadly, she may have to turn to a pink lace granny dress she's been keeping on the Spectacle Board.

David Hill, chairman of the Fox Sports Television Group, has created a mascot for Nascar sports: Digger, the cartoon gopher. Digger is a carefree woodland creature who, Hill says, is initially horrified by the destruction of his native habitat to build a Nascar track but along with the badgers, prairie dogs, rabbits and beavers quickly comes to love the sport.

Next up on Mr. Hill's sketchpad? Swinger, the teacup monkey who just adores having skin cream rubbed in his eyes.

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