Pope Benedict said on Monday that saving humanity from homosexuals and transsexuals is just as important as saving the rainforest from destruction.

Transsexuals, sure, but homosexuals? We're not chopping down anybody's wood.



Speaking at the U. S. Army War College in Thorpe, Pennsylvania last week, President Bush declared that one major success of his two terms in office has been spreading democracy throughout the world. As a direct result of his administration's efforts, he said, ''more people live in liberty than at any other time in human history.''

Then he sang "Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose" and flipped everybody the bird.





The New York post office has temporarily suspended "Operation Santa," the program where volunteers "adopt" underprivileged children's letters to Santa and then deliver presents to the kids.

Because the #1 most popular present Santa's helpers were delivering? Dick in a Box.





On Friday a clown wearing brightly-colored pants, giant shoes and a policeman's helmet was strip-searched by security guards at Birmingham International Airport.

Dave Vaughan, 60, who performs for sick children as Police Constable Konk, was with a crowd of 100 disadvantaged youngsters about to board a charity flight around Britain when he set off a metal detector. Guards examined his plastic scissors, toy camera, wacky glasses and bubble saxophone before ordering him to strip.

Guards were horrified to discover that his lapel carnation isn't the only thing that squirts.