Friday, December 5, 2008

Line By Line Translation of an Email I Got From Microsoft

Thank you for reporting spam to the Windows Live Hotmail Support Team. This is an auto-generated response to inform you that we have received your submission.

Hi Roman! Gosh, isn't this like the four hundredth time you've written to us? You must still be getting eighty emails a day from people who want you to see the Viagra and Cialis ads they've posted on Are you still hoping that Microsoft, as the owners of, will actually pull these ads down, or make these folks stop spamming?

Sure. That's gonna happen. And one day we're going to have real people read our email.

Unfortunately, in order to process your request, Hotmail Support needs a valid Windows Live Hotmail hosted account.

See, dude, we're not even going to look at your email until you do a few things. First, buy a PC. Second, install Windows. Third, open a Windoews Live Hotmmail acounnt.

Sorry about the typos in the third step, but our hands went awry when we started laughing.

We can help you best when you forward the spam/abusive mail as an attachment to us. The attachment should have full headers / message routing information displayed."

What? You sent it as an attachment, and included the full headers? God, if humans were in any way involved in this correspondence they'd feel awfully stupid right now.

If your submission does not involve a third party, please include your own account name in the body of your message along with the description of your concerns so we can process your report.

Get the message, dude? No matter who you write to at, you're always going to get this email back. Seriously, writing us is just slightly stupider than asking your dog to mix you a martini.

For further instructions on how to submit spam and abusive emails to Windows Live Hotmail, please visit:

For more information about Windows Live Hotmail's efforts and technologies used to fight spam and abusive e-mails please visit:

Since you've obviously got spare time, here are a couple websites that are even more useless than YouTube. Let's all do our part to fight spam! Why don't you start by not emailing us?

Microsoft: If we had any conscience at all, would we have brought you Vista?

1 comment:

Yet Another Steve said...

I forward all the crap to Which, by some amazing coincidence, is the actual place to report all that junk. Has anyone ever seen anything but spam come out of (or, for that matter)?