How to Install a Fake Hymen, Courtesy of the New York Times

Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable.


(The product is manufactured in China and sold to women who are afraid of being exposed as non-virgins on their wedding nights. Naturally it's causing an uproar in the Middle East, since it's allegedly removing a key stigma against premarital sex. Some middle-Eastern women, though, claim it's unfair that women have to prove they're virgins on their wedding nights but men don't. How do you know if a man's a virgin? Awkwardness, premature ejaculation, doesn't have a clue what he's doing.

Which means Allah likes gay men more than terrorists, because we've had our 72 virgins here on earth.)