The creative mind is never bored. There's an endless list of things one can do. Build a tiny replica of Krakatoa out of chocolate cake and make it erupt strawberry ganache. Make an apple doll of Mick Jagger and film it dancing around to "Jumping Jack Flash." Or recreate scenes from the Bible using Lego building blocks.
That last item, at least, is online at The Brick Testament, and I tell you, it's a significant piece of work. It's got more nudity and violence than Spike TV's primetime, but it's still incredibly educational. For instance, I didn't realize you weren't welcome in church if your testicles have been crushed.
You might say, my God, I'll bet that thing gets grisly, but the site doesn't explore gore just for the sake of it. For instance, things could have gone horribly awry when illustrating God's dictates on menstruation. Instead, the specifics are left to the imagination, and we simply get a woman in a chair.
This is the only scene I found that I would argue with, because the woman should at least be frowning, and maybe eating Kettle Korn.
Here's an illustration of the Bible's words on bestiality. I'm thinking some poetic license has been taken here, because I don't recall Matthew, Mark, Luke or John saying anything about rabbit voyeurs.
Here's a woman presenting herself to an animal. Evidently that's wrong too.
When I first saw that picture I wanted to scream "IT'S A TRAP!" because you know even when animals do something nasty, the Bible says you have to kill them too.
And inevitably here comes Leviticus. Here's a dude spilling his seed. I just hope he's not watching Password.
This could be a photo of the night I met Raoul:
I didn't realize Hillary Clinton was mentioned in the Word of God.
Here's another illustration of the Bible's words against transvestism. It's not particularly effective, because it left me hoping these guys go on a musical tour to Alice Springs, Australia. I didn't realize you could buy a Lego version of Aretha Franklin's inaugural hat.
Anyway, go forth and explore The Brick Testament. It's brilliant. Unfortunately, a few passages had to be changed, apparently for legal reasons, but I don't think it lessens the impact of Jesus' final words when, at the Last Supper, he implores his apostles, "Take this, all of you, and eat it -- but for God's sake keep it away from children under three."
Bleat Bleep Blow - Filed under: Poem, The English Language
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