Mitchell Tice, of Florida, was arrested Sunday for breaking into his boss' storage unit and stealing two laptop computers, a wig, and a bag full of dildos.

Is that incredible? That dude is employed.

Tice was linked to the theft after his girlfriend told detectives that her beau “had placed a bag of dildo’s [sic] under their bed.”

"I realize there ain't no emergency, 911 lady, but if somebody don't take these dildos there sure as hell gonna be."

The dildos were later shown to the restaurant owners, who “positively identified the items as theirs.”

"You're absolutely certain these are your belongings?" the detective asked.

"Well, if you turn around a second," the boss replied, "I'll make for goddamn sure."