Louis Garrett never thought his little hobby would come to much. He collected female mannequins, and naturally he needed underwear for them. At some point he realized he had far more underwear than mannequins -- these things happen in Missouri, you know -- and he pondered long and hard. "What can I do with all these panties?" he asked himself.

Then one day it hit him: He'd make a quilt. Out of panties. He'd make a panty quilt!


The burly biker wasn't much of a seamstress when he started, but he soon picked up the skill. And almost before he tied off that last knot, his little art project was all over the media. In some circles, perhaps, his feat was celebrated, but most news outlets seemed to snigger between the lines, prompting some questions:

• Do Americans really need to see a biker's collection of women's panties at their breakfast tables?
  
  
• Should newspapers be prompting amateur forensic analysis over our morning coffee?
  
  
• Couldn't they have blown up the photos so we wouldn't have to search our apartments for anything that would magnify?
  

Am I saying that this tawdry tale is a sure sign that responsible journalism is dead? No! Because while reporters everywhere were leaping into the feeding frenzy, one newspaper paused to ponder the bigger issues. The Hannibal Courier-Post wrote:

To not upset too many people, the photo of the colorful quilt was run inside the newspaper in black and white.

Bravo, Hannibal Courier-Post! This story is far less creepy if you think the underwear comes from Amish chicks.