Why Clarence Thomas Didn't Declare His Wife's Income on Financial Disclosure Documents

For the last thirteen years, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas has certified and filed official financial disclosure forms that declared that his wife Virginia had no outside income. Over that period, however, his wife worked as a consultant for several conservative organizations, including the Heritage Foundation, a far-right think tank that deals with many of the issues that face the Supreme Court, earning in excess of $690,000.

Reasons Why Clarence Thomas Didn't Think He Had to Declare His Wife's Income:

1. He's an originalist, so he only fills out forms correctly when they begin with "Prithee."
   
   
2. Sure, his wife is a working lawyer, but he thought chicks could only make serious money if they knew how to dance.
   
   
3. He thought "women's work" was an oxymoron, like "jumbo shrimp" or "affirmative action."
   
   
4. He thought he'd put a check mark in the box, but it turned out to be a pubic hair.
   
   
5. He could have sworn the dude they picked for president repealed all that "ethics" shit.