There appeared to be more protesters in Liberation Square in Cairo on Monday than on previous days, above.


I'm going to divert from my usual pointless drivel today to discuss something slightly more important: the crisis threatening Egypt. As a semi-respected political pundit, I think we can all learn a very important lesson from the precarious situation there:

If you're a ruthless dictator and you've got a big public plaza in the middle of your capital city, don't call it fuckin' LIBERATION SQUARE.

Honestly, you'd think any self-respecting despot would know this. See, after you deny civil rights to an entire country, somebody's eventually going to get mad. They'll picture their little hovel next to your castle. They'll compare your diet of champagne and caviar to their day-long search for old bread. They'll wonder if you really dumped the voting machines into the bay to make an artificial reef for fish.

After your army kills all your enemies and you bankrupt the treasury for mink coats and gold-plated toilet seats, people are going to be pissed. "Let's have a demonstration!" some dude with ratty hair will suggest.

"But where?" a chick with a Che button will ask.

They'll think for a minute, and then a lightbulb will go off over some Ayn Rand fan's head. "I've got it!" they'll shout. "Liberation Square!"

And next thing you know, there's half a million people throwing root vegetables at a giant portrait of you wearing a scowl and lots of khaki.

Really, I can't believe I have to school so-called third-world dictators here. Isn't this obvious? It should be the first thing you do after you stab your rivals with poisoned umbrellas and marry all the sexy widows. Rename anything called "Revolution Square," or "Upheaval Place," or even "Cul du Sac of Irked Citizens." For the new name, pick something that's going to discourage people from gathering there.

Bedbug Court would work. Plague of Psoriasis Circle would do it. I can't picture a lot of folks hanging around Unattractive Transvestites Park, no matter how many fountains it's got.

And the next time insurrectionists make plans for a public protest, they'll be screwed. "I know!" some random vegetarian will announce. "Let's all meet at the Plaza of the Wee-Dicked Sissy Men!" and all of a sudden everybody else will remember they've already made other plans.