Unexplained sheep attacks in Shropshire have led to claims that aliens are to blame.

UFO hunters are linking the mutilations -- including the removal of sheep brains and eyes -- to sightings of mysterious orange lights in the sky and claim to have witnessed sheep being zapped by two of the spheres.

Shreep and Boing are on the UFO Tazeeba entering earth's atmosphere at 800 miles per hour. They are from the planet Waksplat, one of a cluster of constellations that initially seeded Earth with the DNA from which human life began. The Tazeeba can reach a speed of 2,000 miles per hour in four seconds, and make a ninety-degree turn while doing 1,000, but on Waksplat it's the rough equivalent of a Toyota with brakes.

"Fratulating the garplers," Shreep says. "Clatzing up the gromklings."

"Check," Boing replies. "Commence to scanning Earth's perimeter with subsplatious quanka rays."

The pair's eyes turn to the display as a 3-D representation of Earth's surface appears, with a resolution to one millimeter. They watch with little expression until the silhouette of a sheep appears.

"Holy Christ!" Shreep yells. "What the fuck is that?"

Boing is nearly speechless. "Ohmigod," he finally squeals. "In four thousand light years I've been to eight million galaxies, and never in my life have I imagined that something could exist that was simultaneously fluffy and white."

"No one will ever believe us," Shreep confirms. "We need physical proof. Boing, fire up the ionic disontegrizer and beam it up. Let's show the folks back home."

"Shreep, you forget: though this ship has a nuclear generator at its core and an infinite string of recursive ions to stabilize it, it lacks the ability to lift something fuzzy that weighs nearly a hundred pounds. How about if I lower you on a rope and you cut its eyes out?"

"ME? Why's it always ME?"

"Well, I'd do it, but I have to stay here and mitigate the souvlaki."

Boing sighs. "Oh, okay."

Five minutes later, Boing returns carrying bloody sheep parts. "Oh, gah-ross," he says.

"Good job!" Shreep says, and they high-twelve with their spare temporal lobes. "Our scientists will hold you aloft and carry you through the streets when we return home."

"Aw, thanks," Boing says, his ankles blushing. "You know, it's odd that humans can clone animals from a single cell but if we want another couple eyeballs we've got to fly back here and slice up another one of those things."

"Ain't it crazy?" Shreep says. "Well, let's go recharge Charo and then we can head back home."