So, everybody's been nagging us to fill out the census. "The Census Bureau also makes a compelling argument for not procrastinating and sending in your response by mail," says one whiny blog. "It costs the government just 44 cents for a postage-paid envelope when a household mails back the 10-question form, which should take just 10 minutes to complete. It costs the Census Bureau $57 to send a census taker door-to-door to follow up with each household that fails to respond."

Unfortunately, this little blurb doesn't do quite what it intended. Instead of prompting me to fill out the census, it makes me want to overthrow the government. It makes me want to join the Tea Baggers, and picket Washington with a sign that reads "$57 TO SEND SOME PENSIL PUSHER TO MY HOWS?"

News flash: here in New York, I can get somebody to bring me chicken lo mein and a gram of crack for $35. So what's up with the $57? Is the dude bringing a pony? Will he have a Candygram?

Here's an idea I'll give the government for free. Send Dominos out to the people who don't return their forms, and they don't get the pizza until they answer every question.

Something tells me all that blather about invasion of privacy and government conspiracy will wither like a dead raccoon in the face of pepperoni.