Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, Jesse James' mistress, is involved in a bitter custody battle, and she's written up a long rebuttal to some of the claims her ex has made. I'll admit it's no picnic being on the defensive, but as you parse her words you'll notice they're oddly qualified.

"I do NOT show my children how to 'nazi salute,'" she says. Well, that's nice, but it's a little specific. Just the salute is off-limits? Maybe it interferes with their goose-stepping.

"I do NOT do any pornography in my home." Oh-kay. Do we need to ask specifically about bowling alleys, or the Dollar Store?

"I do NOT do any webcam 'sessions' from my home with my children present." Well! Two qualifiers there. Sure that's enough, "Bombshell"? Best play it safe and tag on "while DJ Jazzy Jeff played on the radio."

Last, she says, "I do NOT have a swastika tattoo on me." We were always confused about that, because we've seen pictures of her virtually naked and played Spot the Swastika to no avail.

What about the WP tattoo, though? She doesn't mention it. Maybe it stands for Wolfgang Puck. He makes a cream-cheese-and-lox pizza that'll make you plotz, right there in the Dollar Store.