A Seattle woman has accused magician David Copperfield of luring her to his private island in the Caribbean just to use her as a sex toy, Gawker reported yesterday.

The unnamed woman says she went to a Copperfield show and was called onstage to participate. Which maybe should have thrown up a red flag with her, because anybody who watches Magic's Secrets Revealed knows these folks are all part of the act. Afterwards, an assistant told her to stick around to meet the magician. She did, and then the assistant asked her if she'd be interested in doing "promotional work" on Copperfield's private island. She agreed.

Seven months later, Copperfield called and invited her to one of those "promotional opportunities." She couldn't bring her boyfriend, he said, because there wasn't enough room. Well, she might have thought, maybe it's one of those two-seater islands. I mean, sure, Copperfield's a good magician, but he's no Siegfried or Roy. When she got to the island, though, Copperfield took her passport and suddenly she realized something sinister was afoot.


Nobody else on the island! Just her and Copperfield! Well, and the guy who served the food, but I don't count servants either. Besides, this guy sounds pretty freakin' spooky. I mean, sure, he "appeared" to be in Copperfield's employ, but I'll bet he wasn't! I'll bet he shows up randomly and serves the meals just for fun.

After the assault, the woman says she went back to her room and tried to call her boyfriend, but couldn't get cell coverage. When she tried to use the room phone, Copperfield walked in -- holding a cordless phone to his ear. And then he stared at her, making her think he'd been listening in on the call.

Needless to say, she hung up immediately. Hey, I've been there, and I know I'd do just about anything to avoid somebody's Icy Glare of Death.

Over the next few days, the sex abuse continued. The woman says she saw other people on the island, but thought they could be stooges for Copperfield so instead of asking them to summon police she gave into the hopelessness of despair and just Jet Skied and worked on her tan. I can only imagine the torment this woman must have suffered: "I'm going to tie you up with this piece of rope. Wait, now it's two pieces of rope!"

Sure, maybe the victim has "a history of lying." Maybe she'd bragged she could "take a guy down" with sex allegations before. But Copperfield's denials seem particularly flimsy. He says she could have left the island at any time on a Jet Ski. Riiiight. But without her passport, she couldn't have left the Caribbean! She'd have been doomed to at least a day or two of eating conch. He also claims she "had playful conversations with guests." But what if they were all Copperfield stooges? Once again she might have been subjected to his Icy Glare of Death.

So, in support of this poor woman, I hereby announce a boycott of Mr. Copperfield. From this day forward, dear sir, we will not get onstage with you. We will not pull a card from your deck, you may not borrow our dollar bills, and we will not even consider cutting your goddamned string in half.