Friday, August 14, 2009

Big Ass, Whole Foods

John Mackey, co-founder and CEO of Whole Foods, recently wrote an editorial for the Wall Street Journal against Obama's health care overhaul. The piece is lengthy and difficult to get through, so I'll break it down into manageable bits.

[T]he last thing our country needs is a massive new health-care entitlement that will create hundreds of billions of dollars of new unfunded deficits. . . .

Translation: The U. S. government can't afford to help the poor.

Instead, we should be trying to achieve reforms by moving in the opposite direction—toward less government control and more individual empowerment.

Translation: Besides, poor people should pay their own freakin' bills.

While all of us empathize with those who are sick, how can we say that all people have more of an intrinsic right to health care than they have to food or shelter?

Translation: I mean, if poor people don't have a house and they don't have food, what makes them think they should be able to see a doctor?

Health care is a service that we all need, but just like food and shelter it is best provided through voluntary and mutually beneficial market exchanges.

Translation: Here's how America works: if you can't pay for it, you don't get it. It works for yachts, and it works for insulin.

Recent scientific and medical evidence shows that a diet consisting of foods that are plant-based, nutrient dense and low-fat will help prevent and often reverse most degenerative diseases that kill us and are expensive to treat. We should be able to live largely disease-free lives until we are well into our 90s and even past 100 years of age.

Translation: Anyway, if you need to see a doctor, it's your own damn fault for eating all those Cheetos and Big Macs.

We are all responsible for our own lives and our own health. We should take that responsibility very seriously and use our freedom to make wise lifestyle choices that will protect our health.

Translation: So head to Whole Foods and buy our locally-grown, sustainable produce starting at just $24.99 a pound and leave me the fuck alone.

(Via Joe.My.God)


Jessica said...

Love it, what a round-a-bout way of saying poor people don't deseve sheeit! I don't have health insurance and I get scared that I won't get treated fairly. My BF has Blue cross, and he pays 300 a MONTH for just the assurance that if something goes wrong, and if he switches insurance companies, they will double charge him cuz of a pre-existing cond. LAME!!!!

Yet Another Steve said...

Hey, if the family next door dies of smallpox, don't expect us to pitch in. And then if people start dropping like flies in the supermarket from pneumonic plague, well, that's tough. You can always be assured that if someone in YOUR family comes down with whatever's killing everyone else, you can at least go sit in a waiting room with other sick people, WHETHER OR NOT plagues are covered by your insurance! (If they aren't, of course, you'll just have to go home to die, but at least you'll die covered for other, minor, ailments.)

Political humor is never funny said...

This isn't funny, you're not funny. In fact, Hannity does this bit, so I'd say you're stealing a hack bit from a hack, in the name of your agenda. Way to have high standards.

RomanHans said...

I confess: I steal everything I write. My Obama health care piece? Studs Terkel. And that Jamie Foxx-big dick thing? Anais Nin.

Anonymous said...

Let them eat organic cake.