Five Reasons Why Paula Abdul Left "American Idol"

1. Says she can make more money at International House of Pancakes cooking, you know, whatever they call those flat, round things.

2. Sitting in Simon's shadow was giving her a tan line with man boobs.

3. Wants to spend more time with her dolls, and not the kind that sit in a chair and quietly freak you out.

4. There are literally thousands of fabulous pop songs out there just demanding to be kind of sung.

5. She couldn't think of a word more positive than spectacutastic.