History Fun

Social historians have a long-established theory as to why America's indigenous Indian population died off so quickly after Christopher Columbus' arrival in the New World. While the English immigrants and the natives got along well for several generations, it was perhaps inevitable that clashes would occur, and the winner of these clashes was naturally the better armed.

The weapons the Pilgrims brought over from England were primitive but effective. The snaphance was a predecessor of the flintlock, capable of firing several shots sequentially. The matchlock fired single shots but required the touch of a lit match.

The Native Americans, however, had two lesser weapons at their disposal: the tomahawk, and the Indian burn. Certainly native warriors were skilled at throwing tomahawks, but these weapons were immediately lost on the battlefield, leaving their owners reliant on a skin irritation system thought to have been invented by the early Sioux. It was effective, but no match for riflery. While the intruders fired indiscriminately from the comfort of their mounts, the Indians had to jump down off their horses, run over to the Pilgrims, grab their arms with both fists and then twist vigorously.

Obviously this caused temporary harm to the invaders -- perhaps, it is thought, on the level of a brain freeze -- but the effects must have worn off rather quickly, prompting an answering volley of speedy lead.

History buffs always like to play "what if," and in this case occasionally wonder what would have happened if the Chinese had arrived first at the scene and shown their more advanced weaponry to the Native Americans. Might some raccoon skins have been swapped for Chinese finger traps? It's certainly a possibility, and these insidious digit prisons might have disabled the English immigrants long enough for the natives to grab their guns. In this parallel universe, perhaps, we're all wearing papooses today.