I'll admit it: I've always had problems with people who have Asperger's syndrome. They want to be called "autistic," but that doesn't seem quite right. It seems like they've got as many positives as negatives. They're generally smarter. They're more focused. They speak eloquently. The drawbacks? They "lack empathy." They have problems caring for themselves. They don't pick up social cues, so they frequently run on and on about things nobody's interested in.

Wow. Here I've been mistaking all these people for men.

A model with Asperger's was on America's Next Top Model last season, so I got to see the syndrome in the flesh. She was gorgeous, smart, and funny, but she had a hard time making sense of all the bimbos around her.

At this point I'm thinking, you know, you might as well give me some of what she's on.

We act differently for the mentally challenged. We're more patient, more understanding, more helpful. We don't make fun of them. We give them their own Olympics, and whereas in the regular Olympics if you run off course chasing a butterfly your career is pretty much toast, with the Special Olympics all that matters is that you try.

Nobody in their right mind would hold a mentally-challenged person to the usual standards. If you or I wore mismatched socks, somebody'd ask us, "Hey, did you get dressed in the dark?" With a mentally handicapped person we'd say, "Did you put those on all by yourself? Hooray!" Smash a window? That's fine, just so long as you didn't hurt yourself. Leave a goldfish out on the kitchen counter? That's okay. There's thousands more at the pet store. Break into the Department of Defense's computer system? Now, you know that's wrong! If you disable the Air Force servers again, you're not getting a cookie!

Oh. Um. Wait.

See, the intelligence and focus of Asperger's makes it ideal for crime. Which, in my humble opinion, changes the rules. Call me heartless, but I'm not going to tell Danny that if he steals another Delta 767 he's going to bed without supper. I'm not telling Darius that if he joyrides another subway train through Manhattan I'm taking his favorite overalls away.

And now Gary McKinnon is in Britain trying to avoid extradition to the U. S. He's been charged with breaking into 97 computers belonging to NASA, the U.S. Department of Defense and several branches of the U.S. military soon after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

Why shouldn't he be returned here to face the music? He's autistic, your honor. It'd frighten him to be sent back here.

Tell you what: put him in a big box and tell him he's not going anywhere.

Sorry, but I'm pleased to hear that Mr. McKinnon is being extradited. I don't want national security compromised by a guy who can't control his hobby. I don't want our intelligence agencies wasting their time on some guy who just can't stop himself.

And, most important of all, when hackers try to break into government computers, I don't want our federal agents to say, Well, you know, it's probably just Gary again.