Sex Clues From Porn Stills, Lesson 3

In this photo it's easy to see that the man is interested in coitus. Clearly he's heterosexual, since he has zero decorating skills, plus funeral directors don't usually have futons in their viewing rooms.

One might assume these women would rebuff the man's advances, based solely on outward appearances. However, for women there's always a fine line between sex and sorrow, particularly if they're dating me. Note the homemade hats, the fake satin blouses, the tops of pantyhose peeking out from beneath miniskirts more suitable for discoteques than funerals. These are obvious hints that these two don't work at, say, a post office, or a bank, unless it's got a coat-check room. When a woman attends a funeral dressed like a Russian stripper, one begins to suspect that the stiff in the box isn't what she's interested in.

Confirming the observant sociologist's suspicion is the fact that the casket is closed. This tells us that though the women might like to see the deceased one last time, far more important is having a clean, elevated place to lie down.