You think Gawker's snarky? It's official: nobody's gonna steal the Miss Bitchy 2008 title away from us gays.



This -- the opening of an opinion piece in the Advocate -- is hands down the stupidest thing I've read recently. For twenty years they've been nagging everybody to come out. If all gay people were out, the logic goes, straight people would realize we're everywhere. They'd suddenly notice that some of their friends are gay, some of their coworkers are gay, some of their favorite celebrities are gay, and slowly homophobia would disappear.

In reality, though, it isn't exactly a walk in the park. If you come out in high school, what do you think the football team is going to do -- scurry up and give you a hug? Are your fundamentalist Christian parents suddenly going to join PFLAG? Up until now, most of the celebrities who slipped out of the closet were rewarded by unemployment, so needless to say the rest have been reluctant to leave. Sure, America hasn't minded when a few established stars -- Nathan Lane, David Hyde Pierce, Ian McKellan --- came out, but that's like three little doves of hope set against Ellen's massive Hindenburg.

And now the Advocate offers a friendly little message to a couple of celebrities who just came out. "Oh, puh-leeze, girlfriend! You think we didn't know?"

What assholes.

The article goes on to say they're "appreciative" of celebs who come out, but that sometimes it's "too little too late." Really? Well, apparently the news came as some surprise to the rest of America. You want to see anguish? Go to a ClayMates message board. Right now they're organizing a bus trip to Clay's house, where they'll scream "NO, CLAY, NO!" for eight days straight before setting fire to themselves. Needless to say, some of these people are going to stop buying his records, if only because they keep melting in their hands.

Homophobia is the problem, not Lindsay or Clay's reaction to it. If there's ever been a case of blaming the victims, buddy, this is it.

So, Advocate, I've got some advice for you. I'm hopeful it's not too little too late. What works for your Fire Island-visiting, MDMA-popping, no-white-after-Labor-Day-wearing selves doesn't work for all of America, so do us a favor and shut the fuck up.