Tuesday, September 2, 2008

The Five Stupidest Things I've Heard This Week

1. In Sunday's New York Times, right-wing columnist William Kristol used the word "inexperienced" to describe both Palin and Obama. On Friday, the Associated Press announced that "Palin's age, inexperience rival Obama's".

Rival. According to Webster, a competitor or equal. Palin: governor of Alaska for 1 1/2 years. Obama: senator in Illinois for eight years. Five times longer. In a state with nineteen times Alaska's population.

I'm looking forward to other headlines in the right-wing press like "Helen Mirren and Carmen Electra love acting!" and "World's scientists close in on cancer vaccine, freeze-dried falafel mix!"

2. In July 27's New York Times, actor/game show host/right-wing columnist Ben Stein asks himself why the economy isn't in worse shape. Among the answers he cites Bush's federal stimulus package: that is, mailing checks to nearly everybody in America.

When Barack Obama suggests a stimulus package that includes tax credits to lower- and middle-income workers, though, all of a sudden it's a sign that he's unqualified to be president. Now it's "Obama's Questionable Stimulus Plan" and a sign that "his knowledge of economics may not be as extensive as his legal background." "Do we really want to increase federal indebtedness to stimulate consumption, anyway?" Stein suddenly asks.

(He also criticizes Obama's attacks on oil companies: "And why does Senator Obama think oil companies make excessive profits?" Um, maybe because last year, as gas prices hit records, they made more money than any other company has ever made since the invention of dirt?)

3. The Republicans hadn't planned on discussing Bristol Palin's pregnancy, but were forced to because those Godless liberal bloggers were spreading the most horrible rumors!

Fine. Two questions. (1) When were the Republicans planning on discussing the pregnancy? Was the baby going to pop out at McCain's inauguration? (2) If they can't handle bloggers, then they can't handle shit. This complaint translates roughly to "Those bad, bad people keep saying mean, mean things!"

4. There's nothing wrong with Sarah Palin wearing a t-shirt that says "I may be broke, but I'm not flat busted." Heck, Obama's probably worn funny t-shirts too!

Uh, okay, maybe he's worn funny t-shirts. Maybe something like "Beer is the proof of an all-knowing God." But see, Palin's t-shirt was about her tits. She specifically called attention to them and objectified herself. That t-shirt, then, is roughly equivalent to Obama wearing underwear that declares it's Home of the Whopper.

5. Bristol Palin's commitment to her unborn child is the sign of a strong family and a commitment to family values.

And absolutely not a sign that while her mom was preaching abstinence Bristol said, "Hey, bitch, shut your trap! I'll do whatever the fuck I want."

2 comments:

Yet Another Steve said...

Tut-tut, now. While a condom may occasionally fail because it has a hole in it, abstinence-only sex education is a hole. I'm sure the puir wee child had no idea what she was doing, because babies only happen when two people are already married and love each other very, very much, so obviously since she wasn't married, nothing like that could happen to her.

Martin said...

Do people actually fall for those "perfect happy family" photographs?

Or are they used to make people run to the nearest toilet/basin/bucket and be violently ill thereby forgetting whatever rubbish it is the politicians are spewing?

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