Thursday, September 4, 2008

Police in Port St. Lucie, Florida are on the lookout for a cross-dressing man who snatched a 74-year-old woman's purse. They're depending on a strange clue. The suspect left behind a condom filled with water he had been using as a fake breast.

Police are processing the condom for fingerprint and DNA evidence.

Bristol Palin's boyfriend Levi said, "Hey, don't look at me."

Here's all the sex education you need, kids. Bang a governor's 17-year-old daughter and get set for life. Get an invitation to the Republican National Convention. Have their candidate for president greet you like his long-lost son.

Just don't mention how you didn't want to get married, and never wanted to have kids.

Man, and I thought donating money to sleep in the Lincoln bedroom was disgusting.

The Republicans complain the Democratic candidate has no experience, then draft a VP who'd be a trainee at McDonalds. They rant on and on about family values, then scream sexism when you ask how their moms can ditch their kids. They declare Bristol Palin off limits, then drag her baby daddy onstage for their convention.

Welcome to the Bullshit Express.

The good news is, I've figured out how to get a legal abortion after McCain and Palin send America back to 1952. Just tie some antlers to your fetus and go for a jog around the White House.

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