Monday, June 21, 2010

Highlights from Saturday's Pride Fest

EMCEE: The gay community is so diverse, so creative, so fabulous. For some odd reason, then, our next act is a caterwauling horror who could get the baby Jesus to scream, "Would you please shut the fuck up?" Here she is: Paula Zands.

(TEN MINUTES LATER)

EMCEE: Wasn't that something? If she was flying an airplane and musical notes were buildings, she'd have just safely touched down in Newark. Please, if you're running for the exit, remember to pick up your trash. And now, two drag queens will re-enact a dysfunctional family drama with absolutely no camp or irony.

(TEN MINUTES LATER)

EMCEE: Well, we sure learned something new tonight. Drag queens aren't all fun and games, right? In case you missed their eighteen plugs, they're playing at Cheeto's tonight, shows at 8, 10, and 12. And now, the amazingly talented woman half of you have been waiting for, Meshell N'Degeocello.

(TEN MINUTES LATER)

EMCEE: Sorry we had to cut her off during that fantastic, funky rendition of Blondie's disco classic "Heart of Glass," but everybody gets ten minutes, whether they've sold ten million records or they're tweaked on Ecstacy and ad-libbing a ventriloquist act with a half-eaten banana as their dummy. And now, Lt. Dan Choi will lead us all in chants about self-respect like the reason we don't have equal rights is because we all hate ourselves.

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