When I was a kid, I was baffled by Scientific American magazine. It was so cold, so dry, so deep. I couldn't get more than three words into any article without getting hopelessly lost. I'd be tempted by the titles, then sorely let down, realizing I'd never learn about Creating False Memories in Food-Hoarding Birds or Tectonic Shifts in Cricket Exoskeletons.

So, when a friend sent me a link to a new Scientific American article, I flinched. That childhood insecurity came flooding back. I wanted to ignore it, but I knew my friend would quiz me later. I gingerly clicked on the link and within seconds all my worries were gone. I read the entire article, start to finish, and can honestly say I understood every word. Sure, maybe Scientific American has slid slightly downscale to suit the unwashed masses, but still my chest swole with pride.

If you want to read the article, it's called "Hey, What Up Wit' Da Fag Hags?" and it basically blows up that theory that straight women who can't find boyfriends turn to gay dudes for companionship.

Anyway, now my childhood trauma is gone, and I'm ready to take on all comers. I'm picking up a copy of The Economist today, though fingers crossed it's got something about whores.