I realize nobody has questioned Michael Lohan's ethics in years. It'd be like asking Howie Mandel what's up with the fist bumps, or complaining that a Brontosaurus stole your cheeseburger. Still, there seem to be a couple dots that nobody's connected, and they've made me curious.

Today Mr. Lohan announced that he has a great rehab plan for ending his daughter Lindsay's substance abuse problems: he'd lock her in a castle in Long Island.

Now, I have to say, Oheka Castle is one fine castle. I stayed there a few years ago, and then a Jonas got married there. There's suits of armor and gardens and turrets. Still, the suggestion raises one tiny red flag:

OHEKA CASTLE IS A LOVELY PLACE FOR A WEDDING, NOT TO WRESTLE AN ANGRY SNOW MONKEY OFF YOUR BACK.

Lohan means well, you say. He's confused. The thing is, you probably forget this bit: Mr. Lohan has a past with Oheka Castle. Not a "I stayed there a few nights and really loved it" kind of past, but a "I skipped out on my bill there and got THROWN IN JAIL" kind of past.

So, color me suspicious. Does Mr. Lohan really think the posh hotel that tossed him in the slammer would be the perfect site to detox? Or, perhaps, is he still paying off that debt?

Hell, forget I mentioned it. Who am I to throw stones? One youthful indiscretion and I'm still not allowed near Chuck Norris when I'm wearing shorts.