Deal Reached for Ending "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

President Obama, the Pentagon and leading lawmakers reached tentative agreement Monday on preliminary negotiations for a timetable to study a possible repeal of the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, clearing the way for Congress to do something or other in as soon as a year or two.

Both sides say the agreement is a startlingly forceful action by a determined president while also a compromise that addresses the Pentagon's unwillingness to do anything at all.

House Democratic leaders met Monday night to consider taking up the measure as soon as November. Even if the measure passes, however, the policy cannot change until the Pentagon declares they're ready. Meanwhile, gay servicepeople will have to sit on the couch and wait while the Pentagon occasionally shouts, "Just five more minutes!" from the bathroom until the Mayan calendar says everything ends.

Representative Patrick J. Boblinko, a leading advocate for repeal, is hoping to attach the proposal to a bill proclaiming October 12 National "Take a Senior to Bingo" Day. Before the measure takes effect, however, Mr. Obama, his defense secretary, the joint chiefs of staff, and eight blue-haired ornithologists from Bangor, Maine would be required to certify that repeal would not harm readiness nor deter the winter migration of the Mexican shrimp-picker, Arctis Tinctararus.

Some gay rights advocates complained that too many conditions were attached to the repeal. For instance, the entire compromise hinges on Lee DeWyze winning American Idol. But the president of the Human Rights Campaign, Joe Solmonese, said the deal "looks like some kind of progress, and that's all we need to keep raising cash."

Already this year, the administration says it has made significant progress toward undoing the policy. Just last month, for instance, Col. Wyebreth Bostitch declared that he had absolutely no intention of pursuing discharges of service members who have told him they are gay. Critics, however, argued that that this wasn't actually progress, seeing that Col. Bostitch is a dance instructor who lives with his partner in Seattle, Washington.

The measure, if passed, would enable gay men and lesbians to serve openly in the military for the first time, though most agree humans will have evolved the power to make things explode just by squinting at them long before then. "This is change we can believe in," President Obama declared triumphantly at a mid-morning press conference, "because it doesn't make us do anything different."