Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Tuesday News Wrap-Up

Yesterday the Dow Jones Industrial Average jumped over nine hundred points. Which means today President Bush gets to use his "Mission Accomplished" banner again.

The good news is, everybody gets a free toaster!

Oh. Um, okay. That's probably a smart move.

Big Beatle news: Ringo Starr has told his fans that as of October 20, he's not going to answer any of their fan mail. ''It's going to be tossed,'' he says in a video on his website. ''I'm warning you with peace and love, I have too much to do. So no more fan mail. Thank you, thank you. And no objects to be signed. Nothing. Anyway, peace and love, peace and love.''

Is that unbelievable? Ringo Starr gets fan mail.

A German fisherman got more than he bargained for when he hooked a severed arm floating in the Rhine river.

Police said the arm had been in the water for about a week.

The city's in an uproar, the fisherman is in shock, and his poor wife still has to clean the freakin' thing.

Parents in Bosnia and Herzegovina are furious that their kids were taught a traditional Spanish song about smoking marijuana. La Cucaracha - popular in the Mexican civil war - is about a cockroach that can't walk because of all the marijuana it has smoked.

Sigh. Another reason to be depressed. Cockroaches are having more fun than me. No wonder they're always scurrying around my kitchen at three o'clock in the morning.

I hear the school is trying to defend itself. They say they wanted to teach the kids the Alphabet Song but nobody could remember the words.

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