Radiohead has finally announced the sales totals for the oddly-marketed In Rainbows. Oddly, though, the announcement is seriously long on words while seriously missing real numbers.

“Radiohead made more money before In Rainbows was physically released than they made in total on the previous album Hail To the Thief."

Oh. Um, okay.

"[T]here were a total of three million album purchases including the box sets, CDs and all downloads including iTunes and pay-what-you-like downloads via their official site."

Oops. Guys, you're including freebies in with your "purchases."

"The digital income from the experiment made a material difference to WCM’s UK digital revenue this year."

Oh. Wait -- isn't this just a fancy way of saying some of the money went to the record company? What, like if only two people bought the record, the cash would go straight to Sally Struthers?

So, er, thanks for nothing, dudes. And just for future reference, here are a few more word puzzles you can try to pass off as sales figures:

-- If Guy Richie spent all of his alimony buying In Rainbows online, he'd be downloading until 2928.

-- More people paid $10 for In Rainbows than got hit by lightning while bathing in Beirut.

-- If all the fans who bought In Rainbows had bought tulips instead, there'd be clog-dancing in Amsterdam tonight.

And, sadly, here's the reason I think the real numbers are missing:

-- If all the people who paid under a dollar for In Rainbows were in a Volkswagon Jetta, they'd be 2,999,996 seat belts short.

(Via Gawker)