Friday, October 17, 2008

The song "Staying Alive" has the perfect rhythm to help jump-start a stopped heart. According to researchers, 103 beats per minute matches the ideal number of chest compressions for CPR, and one doctor says he has actually revived patients by singing the song while he worked.

Sadly, his patients wake up thinking they're making out with Barry Gibb, and then they have a heart attack all over again.

Singer Stevie Wonder denied reports saying his home burned down. The New York Post reported on Thursday that Wonder's home went up in flames and all his musical memorabilia had been destroyed.

"I'm grateful to say that my house was not burned down in the fire," Wonder declared.

He added that now that they mention it, it's been awfully windy inside, and somebody must have made barbecue.

Quoting an anonymous tipster, the New York Post reports that while staying at the Waldorf Astoria, Michelle Obama called room service and ordered lobster appetizers, steamed lobsters, Iranian caviar and champagne for two.

Ooh, she's really an elitist, isn't she? I mean, she should have ordered the Sarah Palin special: a gun and a map of Central Park.

A man who owned an illegal monkey tried to convince a judge that he'd sent it back to Mexico by showing the judge a picture of the monkey holding a Mexican newspaper.

Yeah, anybody holding something Hispanic must be south of the border. Which means Madonna is in Acapulco right now.

Representatives for actor and Scientology advocate Tom Cruise categorically deny reports of his demise. According to internet postings, the actor fell off the side of a steep hill while hiking in New Zealand.

See, this is how rumors get started. What I heard is that he blew off a Cliff.

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