Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Busy morning here, so I'll just give over the blog to a public service message somebody sent me. Catch you tomorrow!


It is a sad fact that, with the myriad of options available to women today, so many choose to complete their pregnancies. All too often, they live to regret their choice, and by then it's too late. Listen to these testimonials from parents who'd assumed children were wonderful blessings that would brighten their lives, and make up your own mind.

I used to eat Filet Mignon, Chicken Cordon Bleu, caviar. Now ninety-percent of my diet is whatever the kids spit out.
-- Wanda P.

When I finally got time to reconnect with my old college roommate, I suddenly realized I had nothing to talk about except how cute I think the Wombles are.
-- Finola R.

Everybody told me birth was a beautiful thing. If I'd known it'd be like Ed Asner bursting out of my vagina, I'd have given up sex twenty years ago.
-- Margo K.

When I was younger, I worked security at CBGBs. With two kids in diapers, I'm cleaning up more puke now.
-- Steve P.

My husband used to say my breasts were the most wonderful thing in the world. After two kids, they've fallen to thirtieth place, right behind velcro shoes.
-- Elaine S.

I didn't realize motherhood meant being a scullery maid to somebody who can't differentiate between her father and a utility pole.
-- Katherine M.

I was so excited to hear my wife was pregnant, picturing a tiny composite of the two of us. Two years later the kid looks so much like a raisin I'm afraid to let her near oatmeal.
-- Mark A.

I'm not saying parenthood has negatively affected my wife, but every year on our son's birthday she puts on a paper hat, guzzles gin, and screams the words to 'You Don't Bring Me Flowers' until she passes out.
-- Walter B.

I love having kids. I love having kids. I love having kids. I'm not repeating myself: that's the echo from my vagina.
-- Patsy L.

Don't bend to peer pressure: children are an unshakable affliction that will forever alter your life. Have a job? Have a purpose? Have a hobby? Don't give it all up to turn nanny for somebody who'll call you a brain-dead cunt before he's in long pants.

If you got rear-ended by a Taurus, would it mean God wanted you to drive around in a dented car? Childlessness is fabulous. C'mon: get that shit fixed.®

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