Thursday, October 30, 2008

Now that Madonna and Guy are breaking up, all their tawdry laundry is being aired. According to some news reports, for instance, the duo had so many conflicts they not only saw a marriage counselor, they had him write up a contract specifying what behavior was acceptable and what wasn't. Leave it to World Class Stupid to bring you the entire list.

  • Both parties agree to rear children based on the timeless writings of whatever cult is fashionable at the time.

  • In the event of an fractious dispute between the two parties, Rosie O'Donnell gets the tiebreaking vote.

  • Both parties will make an effort to feign enthusiasm for the other's interests, whether that be conical bras and Jean-Paul Gaultier or Watney's Pale Ale and heterosexual sex.

  • Both parties agree not to laugh when anyone suggests a film festival of the other's work.

  • Infants must be changed a minimum of six times daily, ten times if they're onstage.

  • Both parties agree to awaken each other with hugs and hearty greetings rather than cries of "Oh, God!" or "Sweetheart, remind who you are again."

  • In public, both parties will speak as if they're British. At home, they're lusty gay Irishmen.

  • When lost in a tsunami of existential despair, both parties will stop and ask themselves: What would Brad and Angelina do?

  • Neither party will lift the other off the ground and say, "You're a cute li'l thing, aincha? 'Ow'd you like to feel me rough workman's hands against yer pretty white skin?" because that always gets Guy mad.

(Via Queerty)

No comments: