An Alaskan woman abused her adopted son to get on the Dr. Phil show, prosecutors allege.

Jessica Beagley, 36, poured hot sauce into 7-year-old Kristoff's mouth and told him not to spit it out for a minute. She recorded the punishment for a show segment titled "Mommy Confessions," and now faces misdemeanor child abuse charges.

According to prosecutors, this wasn't Beagley's first attempt to get on the Dr. Phil show. She contacted the show after watching a segment titled "Angry Moms," but heard nothing for eighteen months. Finally a staff member called to find out if she was still angry.

Beagley said yes, and submitted videos of her yelling at her children, but Dr. Phil's staff said they needed to see actual punishment. That's when Beagley got the video camera and the hot sauce.

Days later, she was on her way to Los Angeles to be on the show.

Well, maybe that explains a weird form letter I found on the ground in front of the Dr. Phil studios. Here's what it said:

Thank you for contacting our program. We're glad you enjoyed our recent show about

bisexual dwarves.

teen hookers.

losing a hundred pounds in four days.

As you know, however, we are the #1 rated daytime TV show, which means there is a lot of competition for our air time. While we are impressed with your claim that

your son is chubby,

your hubby is a metrosexual,

your beautiful young daughter was kidnapped,

we feel it doesn't really speak to our audience. Please let us know if, in the future,

your son can barely fit in the bed of a Ford F10.

your hubby circles rest stops wearing a miniskirt and halter top.

your daughter happens to be white.

In the meantime, our host,

whose staff bailed out a woman accused of assault so she could appear on the show,

who gave a woman a bottle of antibiotics after his dog bit her,

whose sons appear to be conducting studies on the fuckability of Playboy Playmates,

personally thanks you for watching, and assures you that one day soon you'll get that free trip to L. A. if you do something horrible enough.

Sincerely,
The Staff