British authorities said Wednesday that Iran released five sailors who had been detained after their 60-foot racing yacht apparently drifted into Iranian territorial waters in the Persian Gulf on the way to a race.

What, is everybody partying at the Iranian border this year? Goddammit. And I already bought tickets to Cancun! Well, I'll call the travel agent and see if I can change my plans, because I gotta be where the action is.

You know, I'd never have thought about partying right next to the border of an Islamic regime. Apparently it's gotta be nice, though, because just a month or two back some American hikers got so distracted by the scenery that they accidentally crossed the border too. Right after the guards warned them! You know, big, swarthy dudes with machine guns. So I'm thinking, wow, it's either gotta be really cool there or these folks were slamming Jäger. Either way, count me in!

News flash: my travel agent says it's cool. I'm on board! I'm flying there first thing tomorrow morning. I've already got the day booked up: at ten I'm going wave-riding while wearing a full-body burlap sack. At four I'm bungee jumping from the rifle-toting arm of a fifty-foot statue of Ayatollah Khomeini. And tomorrow night I'm partying at Club Waterboard, where DJ Ahmadizzle raps about fundamentalism and scratches the records. And I mean really scratches the records.

Naturally I'll try to keep an eye on that border, because getting imprisoned forever would totally burn my parents, but hey, I'm not gonna let it kill my buzz. This is gonna be Islamming! We're gonna have a uranium-enriched blast!

Now, who wants to do body shots?

Wait. See, I meant the kind with alcohol.