Thursday, April 7, 2011

A whopping four percent of Britons haven't realized that researchers at major universities can't let you electrocute total strangers.

In a recent study at Cambridge University, researchers presented test subjects with electrical equipment that was supposedly hooked up to innocent victims in an adjoining room, and told them they'd be paid cold, hard cash to shock them with massive surges of electricity. The bigger the buzz, the bigger the pile of cash.

Amazingly, four percent of the people refused.

"Is that incredible?" asked Daniel Lithgoe, a participant who raked in nearly thirty bucks. "I was like, 'Yeah, you're going to pay me to shock somebody, like Cambridge wouldn't be sued to hell and back for that kinda shit.' And they were all, 'No, it's totally real, you're actually going to be shocking somebody.' They even had a monitor so I could supposedly watch the person's face while I was torturing them. And I was like, 'What, I can't hear them scream through the wall, like in Milgram 1961? What a bunch of cheap motherfuckers.'"

Still, the researchers declared their work a complete success. "We're already planning another study where people will think they'll be crushing baby rabbits with remote-control rocks," one researcher declared, "and there's already eighty people on the waiting list."

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