Monday, April 4, 2011

Who says the American Dream is dead? Once again someone has proved that there are still ample opportunities out there for folks with the guts to grab them. According to a few news stories, some questionable web posts, and pure imagination to fill in the gaps, it seems like pornmeister Corbin Fisher may have blazed a brave new trail that ambitious entrepreneurs would be wise to follow.
  1. Make a porn movie. Really, it doesn't matter how bad it is. Your stars can be bleached blondes wearing puka shell necklaces. You can cut to wisecracks from Mr. Roper when somebody's erection flags. In fact, if all you've got is an MP4 of your dog Sniffles barking "Mama!" that's probably good enough.

  2. Give your movie a saucy name, like Eric Fucks Jude, or Brent Fucks Mitch, or Parker Just Can't Stop Fucking Tristan. Most folks Googling for porn include the word "fuck," so you've got to have that in there.

  3. Upload your movie to every bittorrent site you can find. If your movie was good, other people would do this for you, but your movie sucks, remember?

  4. Wait a week, then announce that you're going to sue everybody who downloaded your film. In fact, you're going to mail out the lawsuits in envelopes emblazoned with the words "To the guy who illegally downloaded 'CHRIST, NOW ALL THE JOCKS ARE FUCKING!'" in thirty-point type just above their name and address.

    Tell them you won't sue them if they send you $10,000. To those stupid enough to comply, offer a consolation prize, like a free year's membership to

  5. Sue everybody who didn't send you $10,000. Watch the millions pile up. You may actually be awarded $250,000 from one person!

  6. Move into a brand new studio. Now you can afford the best equipment in the world to make your godawful films.

  7. Give $60,000 a year to charity and watch the idiot gay press call you a motherfuckin' Mother Teresa.

  8. Teach Sniffles another word, and repeat.

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