I've always suspected there was something slightly off about English people, and additional evidence pours in today. I was browsing TripAdvisor when I came upon this review of the London Ripley's Believe it or Not:


I'll ignore the odd words and misspellings, but there's one thing I can't ignore: no matter how much a little girl complains, at no point should she be sliced open and her insides torn out. In fact, as a general rule, you should never do anything to a child that sounds like it would be followed by dipping them into egg and flour and frying them over an open fire.

Then I read about a survey that says more than half of all English people have been injured while eating cookies.

One-third of the Britons surveyed reported being scalded by drinks while dunking cookies. One in four choked on a cookie. One in ten broke or chipped a tooth. Three percent said they poked themselves in the eye while eating a cookie, and seven percent said they were bitten or assaulted by an animal that was trying to get their cookie.

Attempting to derail this Pepperidge Farm pandemic, the British government has announced a new Cookie Warning System. Better stick to soft brownies and Fig Newtons today, Cedric, because they've declared an Orange Marmalade Alert.