Naked Straight Boys Singing!

I just watched the "Naked Boys Singing!" on DVD, and was startled by how effeminate it is. I mean, one mincing little queen, fine. Two, okay. Three and we start making "Sex and the City" look butch.

Obviously diversity was an important part of the casting, since the cast makes "It's a Small World" look Aryan. So why no manly dudes? Why's everybody clean-shaven? How come nobody weighs over ninety pounds? It got me to wondering:

How would "Naked Boys Singing!" be different if the "boys" were straight?

10. Show doesn't start until all the performers are drunk.

9. Opening number is entitled, "What The Hell Are You All Looking At?"

8. "Dance" consists of pointing at the ground, then at the sky, and repeating five hundred times.

7. More back hair; fewer butterfly tattoos.

6. "Ode to Robert Mitchum" wouldn't need a rhyme for "dreamy."

5. Pubes aren't groomed like Elton John's zen garden.

4. Only two or three dance numbers end with the splits.

3. Song about the Packers might actually be about sports.

2. After five minutes the lights come up and the performers declare, "Is that the best you've ever had, baby?"

1. When they come back for their encore, half the performers don't have red knees.