Just Say 'Pepsi, Please!'

Coke has always loved warm and fuzzy commercials. They want the world to sing. They want everybody to gather together on mountaintops in flowing satin robes and sing choral songs while guzzling their caramel-colored beverage. Polar bears and penguins bond over Coke. It's the drink that brings the world together.

In their newest ad, which premiered during the Super Bowl, they try to mend America's political rift. The abrasive, annoying Democrat James Carville is debating with ex-Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist when suddenly they decide they've had enough arguing and they take the afternoon off. They ride Segways, go to a basketball game, get caricatures done in the park. The commercial is a uniter, not a divider, a romantic-movie montage set to a warm and fuzzy song:

Why don't we step outside
and change our view?
We don't see eye to eye
sometimes it's true.

But good times will come around
when we follow through.
Just want to share a smile
with a friend like you.
A friend like you.

We have our differences, the commercial seems to say. But let's just ignore them, celebrate our similarities and everything will be okay.

This is absolute bullshit.

Bill Frist's point of view isn't just different. He doesn't just think Congress should ignore the Constitution and fund the Boy Scouts, a group that discriminates against gays. He doesn't just think we need to change the Constitution to specifically prohibit gay marriage. He doesn't just think gays don't make fit parents.

He thinks police should break into the homes of gay men and arrest them if they're having sex.

He said this before Congress. He compared gay sex to prostitution and drug use, and said it shouldn't be protected by the privacy of the home. Which means police should break down your door if they suspect you of having consensual gay sex.

And that's where he crosses the line between average Republican idiot and extremist nutjob.

I am absolutely mystified that Coke thought they could make a warm and fuzzy commercial with this guy. I'm pissed off that they think we should tolerate, if not embrace, an avowed bigot who thinks gays are evil. I mean, would they suggest that Spike Lee go out for a burger with Ku Klux Klan head David Duke? Should Woody Allen just shrug his shoulders and share a popcorn and a movie with Mel Gibson's dad?

That'd be ridiculous, right? We wouldn't think of legitimatizing and enriching these nutjobs until they did some apologizing -- as in groveling, on their hands and knees. It'd take some serious backpedalling before we'd think about "sharing a smile."

So, sorry, Coke -- I'm not going to agree to disagree. I'm not going to step outside and change my view. And I suggest if you want gay people to continue buying your products, you need to apologize too.