Morning After Blogging From the Brown Carpet

The Academy Awards were absolutely endless. Honestly, it was so bad it makes me wonder why the thing is televised. Is it supposed to be entertaining? Spending eighty-four minutes giving an award to a cinematographer hardly qualifies on that score. Is it a public service, bringing worldwide recognition to people who don't ordinarily get it? Then the score is White Sound Editors 15, Black Actors 1.

Forget Florida: the Academy Awards is where old white men go to die. On ABC, during prime time. I remember seeing exactly one black woman throughout the whole evening, and she was played by Seth Rogan.

There was more than a hint of desperation about the evening. The Academy has recognized some real questionable stuff, and they were more than happy to remind us. Red Buttons was once best supporting actor? Shelley Winters was best actress? Ernest Borgnine was best actor? That's less a movie than half the Hollywood Squares. The Academy reminded us not once but twice that "Rocky" won best picture. That's like the Grammy producers mounting a tribute to Boogie Oogie Oogie.

I didn't like any of the movies that won, and the ones I liked didn't win anything. "Juno" only got an award for writing. "The Bourne Ultimatum," a personal favorite, didn't get much of anything. And what's the film where the main guy like sits there frozen, and just occasionally bats an eye? Oh, that's right -- "Michael Clayton." It was almost totally ignored.

As for the red carpet, well -- if I enjoyed having overinflated boobs stuck in my face I'd watch presidential speeches, thanks.

Still, there were some highlights. I loved seeing Daniel Day-Lewis surprise George Clooney with a kiss. I loved seeing the short little tributes to people who have left this world and gone to a simpler place. Yes, the best song performances.

And the best short documentary award almost brought a tear to my eye. Wasn't that cool? Soldiers who are fighting to bring civil rights to Iraqis presented an Oscar to filmmakers trying to bring civil rights to us.

The only other moment of GLBT interest was when Seth Rudin, the producer of "No Country for Old Men," thanked his boyfriend. He also thanked Miramax for their "brilliant" marketing of the movie, which surprised me. I mean, I still don't want to see it. I still don't know what it's about. But I'm glad Javier Bardem won. It was absolutely criminal when she was ignored for her work in "The Incredibles."