Friday's News Flashes

The British defense ministry announced today that Prince Harry, the third in line to the throne, would have to come home from Afghanistan because it was too risky for him to stay there.

The media had agreed to keep news of his deployment secret, for his own protection, but that agreement was broken Thursday by the Drudge Report.

Stating that the safety of their royal family is of paramount importance, the defense ministry immediately pulled Prince Harry out of the war zone and had him driven home by a drunk guy.


While going to the bathroom on a moving train, a pregnant woman in India gave birth, and her baby shot out through the toilet and onto the train tracks.

And today four American health insurers issued press releases saying "Now that's the way it's supposed to be done."


1 in 100 U.S. Adults Behind Bars, New Study Says

For those keeping score, then, now eleven percent of America is gay.


Twin gay-porn stars Keyontyli and Taleon Goffney have been arrested for allegedly breaking into area businesses by using a handsaw and an ax to get in through the roof.

The police said they'd never have been caught the pair if they hadn't stood on one building for twenty minutes repeating, "Oh, yeah -- I'm really gonna plow through that tight hole."


Huge bundles of cocaine worth fourteen million dollars have washed up on beaches in southwest England.

And here's a video of Amy Winehouse heading in that direction with a hopeful look and a truck.