2. In heaven, straight people get to be interior decorators.
3. They love you, mama, but they just can't face another dinner of Jeno's pizza rolls and Hot Pockets.
4. Every Sunday it's "Go to church, go to church, go to church." Isn't it about time somebody came to them?
5. Hey, sweatpants don't last forever, you know.
6. That vague empty feeling deep in their souls will be filled when they're finally reunited with their schnauzer, Buffy II.
7. After breakfast at Dunkin' Donuts and lunch at Cinnabon, they're pretty sure they can't get out of their cars by themselves.
8. It's about time all the God-fearing Christians were rewarded and the popular people were burnt to a crisp.
9. If they have a spare second between the sky opening up and Jesus lifting them off the ground and floating them up to heaven, they can finally put on their "See, Assholes? I Told You So!" t-shirts.
10. Really, c'mon. Jews?
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