A Michigan woman is suing a restaurant after her hand was broken while she was reaching for toilet paper.

58-year-old Sheri Schooley says the cover on the dispenser fell on her right hand, permanently disabling her, and she's asking for damages.

She's asking for half a million dollars because she can't type any more, a quarter million because she can't bowl, and eight million because now she has a crippling fear of homemade kazoos.