At a conference celebrating the twentieth anniversary of the School of Bioethics at Mexico's Universidad Anahuac, a Catholic priest compared homosexuality to breakfast beverages. "A gay relationship is like decaffeinated coffee," declared Father Gonzalo Miranda, a bioethics professor. "You do not wake up."

It seems to me like somebody's running out of ammunition. Weren't we causing climate change just a few months ago? Wherever we got even a fraction of equal rights, God was sending hurricanes, or tsunamis. Then our getting married was the start of a slippery slope leading to children wed to the family pets.

And now, apparently, we're like warm milk and a Yanni cd.

I'll leave the jokes to everybody else: this priest, I'm sure, will drink anything as long as it's got a shot of cream. I'm not going to argue because he's at least partly right. In my experience, heterosexuality is like regular coffee: a moment or two of distraction, then for the rest of the day you shake.