Yes, that's right: here at Perdue we're committed to offering your family a wide variety of processed poultry items made from absolutely nothing but real ingredients.

What do we mean by "real"? We stand behind the very strictest dictionary definition, ensuring that everything that goes into our vast array of fine products will exist in a quantifiable state, with measurable mass and gravity, as certified by scientists with advanced degrees. Our team of crack quality control inspectors will check and double check every single product that arrives in our warehouses, ensuring that they exist in a stable state in both time and space before allowing them to proceed to your plate.

But that's not all. We also make a solemn promise to you that we will never ever use any imaginary, mythological, or phantasmagorical ingredients in anything that we sell. We refuse to adulterate our delicious FUN SHAPE^TM nuggets with leprechaun meat, nor any part of elves, fairies or trolls. We maintain a strict hands-off policy in regards to any fantastical creatures, whether they live in the sea, beneath bridges, or under mushrooms at the bottom of your garden.

We promise every ounce of protein in our turkey meatballs is from some form of poultry, untainted by the flesh of centaurs, griffin and djinn. We swear that our deli Sandwich Builders^TM are devoid of any meat taken from abominable snowmen, sea monsters, or unicorn. While other companies might spot the body of a succubus by the side of the road and scrape the flesh from its winged haunches to serve as low-cost filler in their breaded chicken nuggets, we at Perdue will just clutch our rosaries to our chests and drive right on by.

Perdue Farms: You'll be putting something in your mouth. You have our word on it.^TM